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February 15, 2008

PhoeniX PhiL & The Pillow Talk of Mr. Mongford

Filed under: Uncategorized, editorial, PhoeniX Phil — pxpl @ 5:47 pm

07 Jun 2006

PXPL & The Pillow Talk Of Mr. Mongford
Current mood: accomplished

Hello my gorgeous ones…

This is PhiL talking… IN AUSTRALIA. Imagine that!

Anyhow… this is the first of my Australian Adventures. This is….

PhoeniX PhiL & The Pillow Talk of Mr. Mongford

I wish i could jet about more however being a boy of humble financial origins and with very little disposable time it is with great regret that I inform you loyal readers that the last time i boarded a plane was May 1992. my father had booked a cheap holiday to LA following the Rhodney King riots… this however is another story for another time.

I’ve never been nervous about flying however something inside me was screaming out that the plane would crash. I accepted the process of aging and death back in 2002 …I would however like to age before I die though. I suppose dying in plane crash is one of the cooler ways to die (i.e. Buddy Holly or Randy Rhodes)… it’s better than assination or suicide. I will NEVER kill myself…. if i die and someone says it’s suicide, it will be a LIE.. I will have been murdered for the PhoeniX Phortunes.

I decided to stay up all night the evening before the flight so i could drift off in a yummy sleepy and wake up either in Australia or as a ghost.

The problem being is that I was sat next to a gentleman called Mr Mongford.

I knew his name was Mr mongford because he was a vegetarian and they’d call his name as they brought around the “special meals”. Slightly off topic …. even as a meat eating bad boy of twee i find it DISGRACEFUL that they call them “special meals”… christ on a bike.. it’s like they’re trapped in the 1950’s. or something.

Mr Mongford had requested the window seat. i had requested the aisle seat. The seat between us was free. As soon as i sat down he started chatting to me… now you can call me rude but I see little point in making conversation with people for the sake of it… be it hairdressers, taxi drivers or strangers on a plane… you’ll never see these people again.. whats the point of justifying and explaining yourself to them… naturally if it was sexy girl or someone important I’d change this theory.. BUT it never is.

So i sat down and Mr Mongford started quizing me about why i was going to to Austalia? I put my foot in it almost immediately…

PXPL: “Oh my friend… this boy i used to live with.. (Mr mongford’s eyes lit up) well he moved there.. um well when i say lived with… we had seperate rooms … anyhow he’s getting married and um..”

Mr mongford gave a knowing nod and i decided to give him the book off by burying my head in the rubbish in flight magazine. “Please bring the earphones… PLEASE BRING THE EARPHONES NOW!” i thought to myself.

Mr. Mongford lent across the middle spare seat and gently yet firmly jabbed me in arm (right in the middle of the Mod target on my jacket sleeve), “So did you ask for an aisle seat?” “Oh yes”, i repled, ” I wouldnt want to feel boxed in… plus I dont want to be one of those annoying people that asks for a window seat and then has to keep asking the other to move everytime i want the toilet”. Mr Mongford looked visably hurt by this statement probably because the man went for a pee every 30 minutes of so… and if he wasnt going to the toilet he was playing about with his luggage. I’m not kidding on that flight i learned that middle aged people are worse than toddlers… fussing over food, shuffling around, just plain whinging..”Stewardess! Stewardess!” they’d cry. Pathetic.

Anyhow luckily after spending the past few years getting very little sleep I found it very easy to doze off on the plane… still Mr Mongford did do the “lean across and jab” for these important annnouncements…

“Look! Look! we’re taking off”

“I’ve figured out how to get the films up”

“When you get to Melbourne make sure that you watch some Aussie Rules football.. it’s very fast… very exciting”

(i look up after the jab and mr. mongford is already back in his chair.. throwing is head back in hysterical laughter while rubbing his hands together)”Aha-haha You should watch this… Kath & Kim it’s hilarious.. ha ha ha ha” (he is laughing at the opening credits).

“Do you how much they tried to charge me in Hong Kong for a digital camera?”

“I think you’ll like Melbourne… it’s very young… it’s very fresh. You should go to… (Mr mongford lists several places all of which i forgot as soon as he said them)

(I look up after the jab and see the contents of a rather old mobile phone scattered all over the spare seat) ” Do you know how to get the sim card out, mate?”

“ah ha ha I didnt think that i like scrambled egg… but it turns out that i do… still that’s what travel is all about.. trying new things”

“Look! Look! we’re landing”

Luckily I lost him when I had trouble at customs but that’s a different story for a different time.

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