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February 13, 2008

PhoeniX PhiL & The Art Of Being Dumped

Filed under: Uncategorized, editorial, PhoeniX Phil — pxpl @ 10:06 am

11 Apr 2005

PXPL & The Art Of Being Dumped
Current mood: anxious

 

Here’s a bit of “old skool” PXPL reprinted for y’all.

 

PhoeniX PhiL & The Art Of Being Dumped

Now if you’re like me you’ll find that you get dumped quite a lot…

Not necessarily the “out of the blue, we’ve been going out two years but the DNA test shows we’re cousins” that we all experience in our twenties at some point but generally dumped..

Wether it be someone you’ve pulled in a dingey club who at time begs to meet up with you again but when you do they look disappointed and bleat on about how they aren’t over their ex…

Or someone who forced you to marry them because they didn’t believe you loved them - then two years later they run off with someone else because they now find you too clingy….

No matter the back story it always ends the same way..

Now then, being the dumpee is no fun. Firstly, you get no sympathy - not really, all your friends (and believe me they are the worse) f*cking love it - you are now the butt of all jokes, the laughing stock for the month. The tragic loser that makes everyone else feel much better about themselves. The Violet Pets have often spoke about “The Theory Of The Pathetic Boyfriend” - being dumped is the final humiliation especially if another man is involved. If it’s another woman and you live in a small town I advise you leave - you’re as good as branded “a gay” for not being able to satisfy a woman. If a woman is dumped by a man for another man she strangely doesn’t get this abuse.

I’d like to think that if a girl is dumped that her friends are more supportive but for men it’s definetly a case of “what a loser”.

The other downside of being the dumpee is that you have to explain to everysingle person you meet and know that:

1) You got dumped (Even when they know, people pretend that they don’t so you have to go over it from square one)

2) Why you got dumped (in great detail & no matter what you tell them it’s never enough)

and 3) that no I didnt know that they had done (insert the names of various tossers and “dirty acts”) behind my back and said (insert several bitter and pointless quotes) about me when i wasnt there.

You expect this conversation to take place at parties for anything up to the next three years.

Ultimately, the worse thing about being dumped, is that you will never get to feel the closeness that you once felt with someone you cared about …heck maybe, truly loved EVER again.

Still….

There is an actual way to enjoy being dumped.

Yes you heard me right! there is a way to enjoy it.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and I think I’ve come to terms with a lot of my rejection issues. The main thing that I can’t past is the guilt.

Strangely despite being the victim in the dumping - the main thing that drags you down is the guilt. It may not seem like it but after being dumped you tend to blame yourself (am I too ugly? am i not understanding enough? is it because my lifes going nowhere? …is it because i can only manage one erection a night?)

And after a lot of thinking I know where this guilt comes from…

…it comes from the RIDICULOUS faces your “soon to be ex” pulls when they are ditching you. Those stupid, simpering - “I’m not a bad person honestly” faces that they love to pull.

Lets be honest if you are breaking up with someone -you’re happy about it (otherwise why break up?). The dumper should be dancing for joy amd should be singing “Oh Happy Day”. Nobody pulls a simpering face when they leave a job they hate, do they?

So next time you’se getting ditched and the bastard / whore pulls the simpering face just laugh at them and walk away.

NEVER FALL FOR THE SIMPERING FACE.

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